Posted by Sage, January 11, 2019.
So that cute girl you’ve been chatting with has finally agreed to a date with you. First off, great job! But you’re going to have a ton of options for things to do on a first date, including plenty of bad ones…When it comes to first dates, what’s most important is choosing activities that both of you can enjoy doing together. Activity dates are great because they allow you to get to know each other without being forced to talk the entire time while also creating a shared experience.
A date where you have to talk to each other the entire time can feel like a job interview. On the other hand, a date where you can’t get to know the other person defeats the purpose of a date.
I’m a firm believer that practically anything can make an awesome date. If it’s an activity that both of you enjoy doing in your own free time, chances are you will enjoy doing it with others as well. However, there are some things that make terrible first dates. So without further ado, here are 4 first date ideas that you want to definitely avoid.
Dinner dates
When it comes to first dates, dinner dates are a popular choice. But I can’t understand why…At some point, someone decided that going to dinner would be a great first date and everyone else just agreed.
In general, dinner dates are just a terrible idea for a first date. Why? Because you’re forced to interact too much. They feel more like a job interview than an actual date. If the conversation falls flat, things can get awkward real fast…And there’s nothing else to do other than silently staring at your plate of food while trying to think of something interesting to say. This can turn whatever attraction you had and make it disappear into a puff of smoke.
A better idea: If both of you really enjoy food (and who doesn’t) a better option would be to go somewhere more casual like a stand-up place, a café, or better yet, to cook food together. Not only does cooking allow you to talk, it gives a shared task that the two of you can do together. Shared activates are great because it helps to build rapport. But make sure that you’re both comfortable with being at someone’s house.
Movies
If a dinner date pushes you together too close too soon, a movie date can drive you further apart. This is because they don’t give you a chance to get to know each other which is what dates are all about. You’ll basically be sitting silently in a dark room and even if you have other activities planned, those two hours of silence would have slowed down any momentum you’ve had. You’re essentially at the mercy of the movie. Movies are better once you’re dating the girl regularly than something you do on a first date.
A better idea: Basically anything is better than a movie…except dinner. If you both enjoy films or arts, going to a museum or art gallery is a much better idea. Those places give you plenty of opportunities to walk around, see interesting exhibits and learn about each other’s interests.
Family get-togethers
I’ve heard stories of guys inviting girls over to meet their family on a first date. I beg you, please don’t do this. If you thought dinner dates were bad, this is ten times worse. How would you feel if a girl invited you over to her place to meet her father on the first date? Chances are, you would feel really awkward (unless you enjoy meeting your dates’ fathers). You would probably feel defensive and pressured. Family gatherings are fine once you’re in a relationship with someone and want to take things to the next level.
A better idea: For first dates, it’s always better if it’s just the two of you. This shows you’re interested in getting to know her better without the family drama getting in the way. If you really want her to meet your family, at least wait until you guys are dating regularly before bringing it up.
Friend gatherings
While I think group activities are great, they don’t make ideal first dates. Similar to introducing your date to your family, introducing her to your friends puts too much pressure on her. After all, your friends are just like a family that you get to choose. She’s probably going to feel like she’s being judged and be on the defensive, which can ruin the mood.
A better idea: There will be lots of time for you to introduce her to your buddies. Just like your family, it’s better to have some one-on-one time together for a first date. The focus should be getting to know each other in a fun and interesting way.
First Date Tips
As mentioned, it doesn’t really matter what you do on a first date. As long as it’s an activity you can enjoy doing together, it should be fine. I recommend doing a variety of activities on a date since it makes the experience more interesting. My favorite first date activities include checking out the bookstore, going to the café, and cooking.
But if you’re struggling with your first dates, here are some tips to improve your dating success.
Remember to seed
During the initial pickup when you first meet her, you should be talking about the places you want to take her to. This is called “seeding”. Tell some cool stories about the places and gauge her reaction. By doing this, you’re increasing the chances of getting her interested in checking them out too. But don’t make the mistake of doing it too soon in the interaction…Build up some anticipation and get her excited. Seeding also helps to take the pressure off of it being a date. You’re making it seem casual – which is should be – and that you’re casually inviting her out to a cool place.
Take her to unique places
Consider taking her to places outside what she would normally do. For example, if she hasn’t been to a comedy show, that would be a great option. Taking her to some foreign food places, like Mexican or Ethiopian food, is also good. Basically, anything that creates a new and unique experience is great since it makes you stand out from the rest of the other guys she’s been out with.
Plan out your activities
Plan out your date in advance and be sure to have at least four to five possible activities. This allows you to expand and contract your date depending on how much time you have with her. What I mean is that you may find out she has time constraints upon meeting her, and if you have five hours with her, you want to make sure you have five hours of stuff to do. At the same time, if she only has two hours, you want to be able to condense your date so it fits into two hours as well.
So how do you expand and contract your date? By adding or subtracting activities – making them longer or shorter – and adding and subtracting the venues you can bring her to. This maximizes the chances of keeping her engaged throughout the date and ensuring there isn’t a lull, which kills attraction.
Have many venue changes
Ideally, you want to include as many venue changes as possible on your date. Not only will this keep things interesting, but it will also create a richer dating experience for her. This is because the human mind is associative. When she looks back on the date, she won’t be remembering the amount of time you guys spent together but instead she’ll remember all the different places and shared experiences you’ve shared together. It’s natural that the longer you know someone, the more experiences you’ll have together. So by taking her to different places, you’re creating the sense that you guys have known each other longer.
The great thing about venue changes is that you can make them as short as you want. There’s no rule saying you have to stay for one hour at a place. On your way to your first destination, you can stop at the store and check out a shirt for a few minutes. Then you can check out a book at the bookstore nearby. This creates more comfort since these activities are low-key, low pressure, and casual.
Have the date somewhere close by
Lastly, try to plan your date somewhere that’s not too far from you. If you can plan it by your place, even better. The last thing you want to do is to spend an hour on the train only for the girl to flake (I’ve had that happen and it sucks). So plan the date somewhere that’s going to be convenient for you, so in case, if she flakes, you wouldn’t have wasted your time.
Dates are similar to other parts of pickup. They take practice. The more dates you go on, the better they are likely to go. You’ll start finding out what’s working and what’s not and can continue tweaking your dates until they run smoothly. So start making a list of at least five activities or venues that you think will be fun. Only by proper preparation and practice, can you maximize your dating success.
What are your favorite first date activities? We’d love to hear them in the comment section below.
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