Posted by Sage, January 6, 2019.
Walk up to any group of attractive women and ask them whether or not most guys understand what women really want in a man. The answer is an invariably “No.”
Ask some of your friends about what works at building attraction with women, and they’ll probably give you the same old “dating wisdom” – recycled stories thrown out under the disguise of reality.
The “experts” have confused men with overly politically correct advice. Stuff that logically makes sense, but doesn’t actually give you great results for attracting women.
Furthermore, there exists a double standard in our roles as men. We are expected to be the man, yet at the same time, we are being bombarded with the politically correct lie that men and women are equal. (Clearly, there are psychological and evolutionary forces that have shaped men and women in different ways that can’t be ignored.)
Most guys don’t get “it” simply because nobody has ever taught them “it.” In some ways, it almost seems that society doesn’t want men to get good at attracting women.
I don’t think the media is intentionally being deceptive or anything like that. I just think that the men in general have gotten lazy in challenging this so called “truth” in real life, with real women.
The general impression of what women want is the notion of being the nice guy, the man with a female sensitivity, the man who treats his partner with the utmost respect.
Not necessarily bad advice, but it’s rather misleading…
For one thing, nice guys are everywhere. So by being a nice guy, you’re actually not being different at all.
Secondly, women aren’t attracted to nice guys – even if they tell you otherwise.
The nice guy syndrome is almost always a symptom of listening to what women say instead of observing what women actually do.
As a child, your mom told you that girls will like you more if you were a nice boy. You were given the impression that the good girls liked the nice boys more.
Later on, you listened to women complain about men and their shameful behaviors, stories about men being pigs and only wanting sex from women.
By listening to these women, you got the impression that you were going to find a girlfriend by being different than all the other jerks.
Unfortunately, your attempted niceness was often perceived as you having low social status. Being a nice guy didn’t give you women’s attention the way you thought it would. In fact, women respected you less because of your niceness.
Nice guys get their dating advice from women – big mistake!
But there are other problems with the nice guy’s dating strategy. One is that he’s too concerned about the woman’s feelings:
- He prefers that the woman chooses the restaurant because maybe she won’t like his choice. This conveys indecisiveness.
- He listens to and puts up with stories of her ex boyfriends. He is then perceived as a “male girlfriend,” not the manly man she truly desires.
- He’s afraid of being labeled as another “player,” so he attempts to attract women by being different and nice.
The irony is that when the nice guy thinks he is being so nice to women, he’s in fact not being nice at all.
Think of it this way: Let’s say you meet a woman and make a great first impression on her. She seems to be attracted to you early on.
As you get to know each other better, you try hard to make her feel comfortable by being sensitive and talking about your feelings. She feels comfortable and safe around you, but that doesn’t mean she desires you.
For a woman to feel sexually attracted to you, she needs to feel excited in your presence – even a bit sexually threatened. But if you’re too nice and sweet to her, you become less desirable, and get stuck in the friend zone.
Once she realizes that she’s just talking to another nice boy, she’ll feel let down. After all, she was attracted to you early on, but you were not able to keep the attraction once she figured out that you weren’t the exciting and unpredictable man that she was hoping for.
If the nice guy was really giving her what she wanted, and not what he thought she wanted, then he would have been giving both her and himself what they wanted: a chance to move the relationship forward in a sexual direction.
Boring and predictable behavior, or “nice guy” behavior, is the death of attraction. It comes across as weak and indecisive, definitely not the bad boy qualities that spark real attraction.