Why “Being Yourself” Is Bad Dating Advice

Posted by Sage, January 4, 2019.

We’ve all heard the expression “just be yourself.”

The problem with this bit of advice is that it’s usually mistakenly interpreted as “I will continue going through life as my usual self.”

When women tell you to be yourself, what they really mean is to be yourself without your doubts and insecurities. But if your mind is filled with self-limiting beliefs, then “being yourself” is the worst dating advice someone can give you!

A woman wants you to be true to yourself. She wants you to follow your own life path, with your own purpose, and goals. In other words, she wants you to be your naturally strong, masculine self.

But let’s say that you’ve spent most of your life hiding behind your insecurities and excuses. In that case, you’ll never be true to yourself by “being yourself.” So before you can be yourself – the man women want you to be, you must first reclaim your self-esteem, which requires you to change.

Making positive changes to your life takes guts. Change can be a scary thing. It means trying out new things that will make you feel vulnerable. It means risking rejection and failure. It also means rediscovering and connecting to your true self.

Guys with fragile egos have an especially hard time letting go of old habits. They resist change greatly. They may complain about their situation, but yet they’re not willing to do anything about it.

It’s their own thinking and self-limiting beliefs that hold them back from ever achieving their goals:

“Women should like me the way I am. I shouldn’t have to change for anybody.”


“It’s wrong to change for other people. That would be fake.”

The word “change” has somehow gotten a negative label. We have this notion that it’s wrong or unnatural to change ourselves for other people. We secretly harbor the belief that people should like us for the way we are. To change our behaviors or attitudes to the world would not be true to ourselves.

But contrary to the cliché, good things do not happen to those who wait. Men who are afraid of change can spend their entire lives waiting for something good to happen. But women aren’t attracted to guys who wait.

Aggressive guys get the girls. Passive guys only dream about them.

Only YOU can make the necessary changes. Change is good and healthy. It’s a sign that you’re moving forward in life. Without change, what you’re really saying is “I’d rather settle for average than accept the risk of failure.”

So take responsibility for yourself. Learn to be comfortable being outside of your comfort zone. Get in the habit of learning and developing new skills by telling yourself “I want an extraordinary life.”

The more you work on yourself, the closer you become to the REAL you.

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